When my Spotify got permanently stuck on Meditative Jazz last week I felt pretty irritated, but, being an optimist, it liberated me to reflect on why I love helping people find apartments.

When you rent one of our apartments it's a chance to... discover a better version of yourself. Speaking statistically and to your mother, a better version of you definitely exists and its my life's calling to shepherd you to that apex you with the beautiful hair and les je ne sais quoi.

A new home is just the catalyst you need to finally find that awesome friend group who both reaffirms your quirky love of Spongebob and also challenges your "basic" obsession with Starbies PSLs. Don't worry about latte stains on your Sandy Cheeks bedding, we've got on site laundry. Your rent also includes free heat because I've seen how much you spend at Starbucks and you'd clearly rather spend your money on sugar drinks over silly things like heat.

Imagine all the friends you'll gain hosting morning brunches at City Market Bakery literally outside your door. Then, later, a game of pickleball on the tennis courts across the street at Atwater Elementary. Oh what a perfect day, why not finish it reading Hemingway at the Shorewood library also just a block away? While you don't need a car with so much to do nearby, you'll be glad to know we have private parking spots.

And you know that existential fear you have of dying alone and going to purgatory revisiting all your most embarrassing romantic relationships? Good news! Saint Roberts Church is literally across the street so you can pray or talk to a priest or something. There's actually a little known passage in the New Testament that says you're guaranteed entry to heaven if you live within 218 yards of a church or a Krispy Kreme. Anyway, beautiful building to have outside your window at least.

Also, the first person to fix my Spotify gets a free month of rent because if I have to listen to one more pensive piano I'm going to murder someone.

Your beautiful hair awaits. Read More